never settle (the sequel)

2018 was pretty fucky year, we can all agree. The whole year delivered poorly, plans did not pan out, things failed to manifest and big enlightenments were few and far between. But it was also a year of liberty and a newfound sense of responsibility for your feelings and actions. Life gave me an abundance of options, but also made me work hard for any actual results.

1. Social life. It was a year of randomly running into old friends and relatives. It felt like there was a strong sense of clarity; why some people remained in your life and why many disappeared. I loathed being so dependant, but often found many of my fears and anxieties holding my relationships back were, in fact, not mutual. There was little resentment on the part of others. I did not know that. Maybe next year I manage to actually connect with some of them on a deeper and more meaningful level.

2. Career. More or less the same. I did manage to get more comfortable once my fear of getting fired subsided. I allowed myself to open up a little, took greater responsibility for my work and also started to respect my own time more. Overall, not quite there, but a whole lot better than the last time we met.

3. Family. I tried, man, I really did. Made sure to show up to family events, spend quality time with sis and mom whenever possible. That being said, it rarely was. Everyone was always overwhelmed, since 2018 was ruthless for our schedules. At least there was intent and desire. Maybe nex year, eh?

4. Investments. Haha. Nah. Nil. Moving four times and making short-sighted expenses guaranteed that I would end the year with my head barely above water. Still owe my mom like €560, so let's just meet in the middle and say I failed miserably.

5. Travel. My piss-poor resources and planning skills guaranteed this year I would not make it far. All my travels ended up being WAY more expensive than planned, flushing any hopes of saving down the drain. At the same time I never denied myself any experiences or comforts. Travelled like an adult, airport lattes and all. Can't say I have too many regrets. Maybe next year just try and make it further than Oslo and London.

And 2019 will definitely not be the year of marriages or children. Like, so very much not.

never settle

2017 was one fuck of a year. It was the year of settling, in every sense of the world. Accepting and embracing the relationship with all it's flaws and merits, letting go of unreal expectations and making some hard choices and decisions. Getting to stare your true market value in the face, understand where you fit in. I wanted to try some normal-ass comfortable middle-class life and that's exactly what I got. And in 2018 I want to do some things differently.

1. Social life. Man, have I fallen behind on this. Literally secluded myself from other people. 2018 I'm not gonna do that shit. I want to go out again. Do things. Feel things. Get hurt. Keep moving. Follow up with friends, many of whom might still not resent me. Go see how they are doing.

2. Career. I have no idea where my current job is going. If anything, it feels like it's not really going. Aside from the salary, it's not quite "goals" either, with me still feeling like a useless rabbit in the corner. The confidence I lost in 2016 and 2017 made sure I'll never shine there. So in 2018, I'mma do me. Whatever that means. Sacrificing a normal career for some random opportunities? Sure. I'm game.

3. Family. I don't have a lot of family left and the ones I have I don't spend nearly enough time with. In 2018 I want to spend more time with my mother, as long as I have her. I wanna help her move out or at least try to fix that awful dump she lives in. Cut some trees, take out some trash, rent or buy an apartment.

4. Investments. I've always felt I've never had enough to invest. The truth is the opposite. It's the pennies you piss down the drain that eventually adds up. I've spent a lot of money on absolutely nothing over the years, going bust before the payday. In 2018 I will start putting money aside, get some cryptocoin and maybe even think about getting some property.

5. Travel. I love to travel. Now that I'm old and comfortable I love to travel in comfort. If you play your cards right, travel does not have to be super expensive. In 2018 I'd love to get out of the country at least once in every 2-3 months. Iceland and US might still be some time away (May-June 2018), but weekend getaways to nearby places with cheap flights are a real thing.

In 2019 we can start thinking about marriage and other goals. But try and keep them off the map for this year, okay?