2024 really was something

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How much is 100% out of 0?

So a friend of mine called me up yesterday. He’s currently working on a well-paying job in Macau and called to frantically and impatiently make a case that we should bid and purchase a plot of land in Saaremaa, nearby his abode, to start a seasonal italian pizza place and a bar. In any other circumstance I would have jumped on that opportunity. But I was less than enthusiastic. I tried to explain to him as vaguely as possible about my current financial predicaments. He insisted he did not need money, just my time and support. And I struggled to explain to him neither one of those was an option for me. That I needed those same hours to be exchanged into cold, hard currency. That I had outstanding debts to pay and bills to cover. That I couldn’t afford to give up my time, since it was the only transferable currency I had at the moment.

Something about that call made my current situation feel so much more real. I’d been hitting snooze on self pity for months, but having flunked my driving lesson the same day that call came made it so much more real. I suppose things have been a bit shitty for a while, but I’d done my best not to let it get to me too much. Keep up and grinding. And yesterday it felt as if it all came to a screeching halt. 

It’s one thing to be out of a job for a moment, out of free will and wanderlust. It’s a completely different matter to be out of a decent gig for two years in a row, with at least 200 other decent and competent applicants for every position you’re eyeing. Even with getting to the last round on many of those positions, there’s always been someone a bit younger and just a tad more talented. Despite really broadening my skills I still keep coming up a bit short. The harsh reality is the job market is simply in a shitty place, with few opportunities available for my skillset, and with the increasing obsession with bottom lines and profit margins in various industries, the job pools have become really shallow. That thin branch of escitalopram is not meant for such heavy lifting. 

I jokingly say that I only write here when things are bad. But when things are good, you’re simply going through the motions, experiencing them. There’s less room and need for contemplation. Yet when things aren’t great, you need to make space for reflection. 

I guess this is one of those? 

Strap on your job helmet

 

That’s pretty much accurate. In the past two years, I’ve had a couple of really solid leads for a position that I haven’t managed to secure for whatever reason. In a couple of cases, it was due to my own high level of self-criticism; in others, it was due to very rough competition or other plans that conflicted directly with the position. But now, after sending what feels like dozens of applications and not even getting an automated response back, it’s starting to feel a little scary. I am in a position where I have the luxury of holding out for a great offer, yet it starts to feel as if there might not be any of those any time soon.

Anyways, I’ve been so bored that I’ve done a few different courses in business and computer graphics. It hasn’t actually helped me land a job, but it’s kept me busy. And in the end, isn’t that the most important thing? To just keep busy?

A whole lot of problems

Täna oli veits sitt päev. Elukaaslasel oli tööga seoses sitt tuju, mul oli intensiivne koolituspäev raamatupidamise teemal. Selgus, et üks ettevõte oli saatnud mulle proovitöö ning ma polnud seda meili lihtsalt märganud. Lisaks selgus, et tasuta Figma koolitusele registreerimine lõppes 02.06, kolm päeva tagasi, ning oli välja kuulutatud juba kuu tagasi. Mida ma polnud märganud, kuna nende koduleht oli kipakas ja ma ei leidnud seda infot sealt üles. Tagatipuks on mu firma koduleht (mis, iroonilisel kombel, on mu firma üks suurematest kuluartiklitest) hetkel maas, kuna soovisin selle uuele hostingupaketile üle kolida, aga selleks, et seda teha, peavad mul mõlemad paketid korraga aktiivsed olema. Ning mu eelmine pakett aegus… 02.06. Ehk juhhei. 

Lisaks pole mul aega olnud käia ämma lekkivat bideed parandamas ning rõdu oleks vaja veel tänase jooksul üle lakkida.

A whole lot of problems ühesõnaga.